


but when he walks in (i am loved)

by mediocre_masterpiece



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alexis | Quackity Needs a Hug, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Panic Attacks, he gets one dw, i call him alex in this bc i CANNOT take the name quackity seriously in fics, its happy I promise, schaltts here but hes just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29830419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mediocre_masterpiece/pseuds/mediocre_masterpiece
Summary: Techno was so, so gentle with him, and Alex just was so not used to gentle. No one had ever held him for his sake. No one had ever held him like it mattered- like he mattered.(or: alex is painfully aware of how damaged he is, techno still wants him)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 373





	but when he walks in (i am loved)

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer!! i do not ship the cc's, this is just my take on their rp characters! if creators mention they are uncomfortable with this type of fiction i will delete 
> 
> !!TW!!  
> mentioned rape/noncon  
> panic attacks  
> self-harm (very briefly)   
> abuse
> 
> stay safe and know ur limits <3 ty to [gix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gix/pseuds/Gix) for helping me edit
> 
> enjoy!

Alex’s been hurt consistently throughout his life. Almost like clockwork, people would exploit his purity, chipping away at it until he started learning his lesson. Until Alex grew a thicker skin and became distrustful of anyone but himself. He’s thought maybe he’d get a respite in this stupid fucking SMP, but then the election happened.

Yeah, Alex thought it’d be funny if he were president. Sue him. Alex Quackity, residential jovial dumbass, running a country? Priceless. But he acknowledged, behind all his bullshit, what Wilbur was doing wasn’t right. It wasn’t democratic. So, under the camouflage of his indifferent persona, he ran against Wilbur.

It was going poorly, honestly. Wilbur and Tommy had the people already on their side. They fought for this country, built it with their blood, sweat, and tears. You can’t really beat that. So when Schlatt joined and started going against Wilbur, it felt like the gods had sent him a solution, a partner in crime, if you will.

Alex gave Schlatt his votes with an actual spark of hope that things would turn out okay for once, and that was stupid stupid stupid because all he got out of vice presidency was more baggage-

(It was almost terrifyingly easy to fall back into old habits, to let himself be in this position again.)

-and then he left to join Pogtopia because he wanted to give Schlatt one last fuck you. They were going to take back L’manburg. They were so close, too, then Wilbur blew it up in some horrible poetic suicide.

(and that was so like Wilbur, always amping up the theatrics, still striving to make it a story up until his final breath)

Alex concluded that he was fucking done with politics, and he left. 

Here’s the thing, though. It’s been tripping Alex up for the better part of a month now because-(“Alex, I need you to understand that he abused you, like, really bad-”) 

Schlatt never hit him. There was the occasional slap or shove, but he never honest-to-god beat the shit out of him. He never took the time out of his day to injure Alex. If Alex just so happened to be in his direct vicinity while he was in a bad mood, well. Then he’d be in trouble. But Schlatt never directly sought it out. 

(He probably wasn’t worth the energy, to Schlatt. And wasn’t that a sad thought? The only reason you didn’t get routinely beat up was that your lover thought you weren’t even worth the trouble. He can’t say he’s complaining. No injuries were no injuries all the same.) 

No, Schlatt concentrated on the more emotional side of things. But that’s worse in a way, isn’t it? And- look, okay, Alex knows it’s fucking stupid to be still caught up on this even though Schlatt didn’t abuse him the bad, and Schlatt’s been dead for months and-

Deep breaths.

Look, the point is, Alex has no reason to be still upset about some petty little insults Schlatt flung at him when he was drunk out of his mind, and he didn’t mean it, you know that, right, baby? 

He still can’t seem to shake the image out of his head though, they dirty his thoughts like the stubborn blood that he can never seem to wash out of Techno’s shirts. No matter how hard he scrubbed, there’s still a lingering stain that will never really go away, and he’s always been so sensitive, learn to take a fucking joke, so really it was just him and his tendency to blow things out of proportion, it’s not that fucking bad, you selfish prick. Do you have any idea of the stress that I am under-? 

He shudders in a gulp of air, almost desperately. God, he wants to scream or sob or- or, anything, anything to distract himself from his overactive imagination. And. Well. That’s always been it, hasn’t it? Just- just him grasping at straws for pity. And it was pathetic, wasn’t it? The way he’s always been such an attention whore, I mean, baby, do you have to be such a drama queen? He figures it’s late anyway. He should head to bed so he won’t be fucking useless in the mornings, eh? Stop lazing around and help with the fucking paperwork- 

Almost unaware of what he’s doing, he yanked on his feathers and let out a surprised cry of distress as the pain set in. Fuck. What the fuck was wrong with him? Plucking his own feathers again? It wasn’t usually this bad; he’s been getting better, but it was just so loud and too much, too much, and he wanted to cry from frustration or hit something or, or, or-

“Stop that.” A worried huff. 

Alex startled, slowly he became aware of his surroundings, and he felt cold tile seeping through his thin pants, and something hard was digging into his wings, and where he even is he- Alex blinked rapidly and realized he was sat on the bathroom floor in a pathetic ball having a fucking panic attack, what the fuck-

A large body crouched in front of him. Techno in all his 3 am glory; pink hair that was usually neat and pristine mussed by sleep, glasses taped together in the center slipping off his nose slightly. And, well. This is new, isn’t it? 

Techno and him. Alex and Techno. It’s-It’s been strange, but not a bad strange, just- he’s adjusting from what Techno lovingly refers to as a literal dumpster fire of a relationship, Alex, what the hell- so it’s not bad, not at all. It’s just, well... jarring. 

For one, he preens Alex’s wings with care and tender reverence. Complements his golden feathers. He marvels at just how downy his softest feathers are at the base of his wings. He knows how to take care of bird-hybrids and knows how to better care of Alex than Alex knows how to take care of himself. 

It’s, it’s great, honestly. Alex’s feathers have never been shinier, his wings and back muscles are rarely sore, and it’s just. It’s, like. Because Schlatt would, well. 

Schlatt would ridicule his yellow wings and their size and the fact that he was a duck hybrid! Isn’t that fucking hysterical-, some days getting sick of looking at them, apparently, and making Alex bind them to his back with bandages and-oh god, that was fucking torture. His ruined wings, god, they’d ache, and his spine would feel like it was breaking clean in half some days, and he never had time to preen, so they were ugly and broken, and he couldn’t fly and- 

A nudge on his forehead brought him back to the present. He was being held by strong, warm arms that were gentle, but firmly holding his wrists to stop him from hurting himself, and he- he loves this man with everything he had, and it isn’t fair because Techno is Techno and Alex’s just a fucking mess-

He choked out a broken sob, Techno hushing him as he rocked him gently. 

“Breathe with me, feel me breathe.” he pressed Alex’s hand against his shirt so that he could feel the rhythmic, exaggerated rise and fall of Techno’s chest. 

It was so tender, so intimate, that it made Alex feel like crying for an entirely different reason.

He- Techno was so, so gentle with him, and Alex just was so not used to gentle. No one had ever held him for his sake. No one had ever held him like it mattered- like he mattered. 

And that’s just. God, he doesn’t know what to make of Techno, half the time. Doesn’t know what to do when Techno kisses him on the forehead at way-too-fucking-early-o’clock before he leaves for a week-long nether trip. 

Alex doesn’t know what to do with himself when he says he’s leaving to go hang out with his friends, and Techno doesn’t even look up from his wordy novel, doesn’t even ask who or where or when he’ll be home, just says, “See you later, baby. We’re gonna have potatoes for dinner.”

Alex has never had this part of a relationship before. It’s always just been mutual infatuation, lust, that drives him and his new fuck-buddy together for the week. It’s always been hard and fast, and for their pleasure, but with Techno, it’s so different- just. 

God. He’s so accommodating, so doting, and he wants to make Alex feel good too, and they even have a safeword; what the hell. And Alex feels so cared for, and he feels like he’s worth something, not just a pretty face, or a loose whore, or, or- and like, Techno never been bothered that he’s been with so many people. It shouldn’t matter so much, but. 

It does because he’s been hurt, okay? He’s willing to admit that for most of his useless life, he’s been used and thrown out and- like, he hadn’t minded, mostly. He usually wanted it- (except when he didn’t, except when his “no’s” were ignored and they were too strong to push off- too strong for him to safely say to fuck off to-) 

Sometimes, though. Alex will look at his firm, beautiful, capable partner and then look at himself and think, how the hell did you manage to pull this one, Alex? Better be good for him, make him want to stay- 

-and just. It’s not... They’re not an equal match, and Alex knows he doesn’t deserve Techno, but he’s so selfish. He’s so selfish, and he’s wanted this, and he thinks to himself. “Maybe I’ll hold on to this one, maybe I’ll keep him close to my heart for as long as he’ll let me, and it’ll hurt so much worse when he leaves, but at least you had him for a little while before he left you because you’re such a bore, c’mon you’re not willing to do a little favor for me? I give you everything, and you just throw it away and can’t even do this one thing-”

And Alex had expected Techno to get bored, to see what everyone else seemed to see, and to fuck off out of his life. He’s expected it so many times, but, well. Techno, against the odds, stayed. 

And sometimes he thinks he sees that same fond expression on Techno that Alex sees in the mirror. The one that says: I am so incredibly taken with you, I want you to be mine mine mine, mine and no one else’s. No one else gets you but me. 

And- well. That was what Alex guessed, at the very least. Alex didn’t know what he did in his past life to deserve Techno with his dry humor and feral smile, but it sure was worth it. It was worth waking up every morning next to a disgruntled god amongst men, literal king, and being able to completely disarm him with nothing more than a nudge of foreheads and lazy kisses.

The smile he got from Techno when he allowed himself his hybrid instincts, like preening Techno’s hair or trilling excitedly and not immediately flinching and shutting down. Or when Techno smiles at him, so unlike his typical sarcastic grin that showed too many teeth to be friendly, but softer, more private, his. 

For better or for worse, Techno was his. And Techno was cradling him on their bathroom floor, softly humming and nudging Alex and- Alex was so gone. He was smitten, in-, in love, holy shit- and, and Techno wanted him. He chose Alex, and before he knew it, he’d fallen in love. Holy- holy shit. Shit. 

Alex’s thoughts, images of Schlatt-(and everyone else Alex has been with, apparently)-fades to a dull buzz. In front of him is this achingly sweet man, and Techno always makes it better, and Alex loves this him so much. 

His breathing has been calm for several minutes, yet Techno still holds him like he’s the most valuable thing in the world, still rocks him like it’s his life’s purpose, to keep comforting him, and keep pushing support and affection on him. 

It’s so easy, with Techno. And he feels like a child when he privately celebrates the fact that there are no rules, that Alex doesn’t have to do shit he doesn’t want to do, even sex. Which, might seem like a no brainer, but for Alex-

Especially sex. Alex vividly remembers Techno telling him that if he didn’t want to, they wouldn’t, and that was that. He remembers furrowing his brow, trying to tell him that he didn’t care, that he was used to it, but Techno just looked at him. Looked at him like he wanted to cry or kill someone, and there was so much sorrow in his eyes, and Alex felt like shit for fucking up again you can't have one good thing, can you- 

He was mad, terrifyingly so, but not towards Alex. Techno made a point to not direct any of his rages at Alex. 

He just leaned forward and cupped Alex’s face in his hands gently, always so gentle with him. Techno makes Alex promise to tell him if he doesn’t want to; he tells Alex that his comfort is more important than anything else. 

Alex feels like he’s falling apart at the seams, the only thing holding him together being Techno’s achingly gentle hands that had been the cause of so much violence, so much pain, and yet Alex knows deep in his soul that Techno would never hurt Alex like that. He trusts him with all that he is, and that is terrifying. 

But it's exciting, too. It's strange for Alex to have someone always fall back on and rely on, and it feels, like, really nice. Techno has his back, will always take care of him, and Alex feels like such a sap, but it's true.

Alex knows this because it shows in the way that Techno preens his wings for him more often than Alex does himself at this point, just because he knows how nice it feels, how safe it makes Alex feel. 

It shows in the way that before doing something as simple as a kiss longer than a peck, Techno will tilt his head slightly, question in his eyes. 

(The answer is always yes, but it makes Alex feel like he’s respected, that his body is respected, that his body is his, that he has control.) 

It shows in the way Techno is endlessly patient with him. He’s so used to being the comic relief, the butt of the joke, that he doesn’t even process his emotions until later when he’s at home. Now home is with Techno, and he’s not funny anymore or desirable. He just kinda feels like shit. 

And every time he thinks this is it, I’m not entertaining anymore, he’s going to throw me away, and I’ll be a wreck, but- Techno is there. He's always there, a silent presence or a rambling distraction. 

He’s willing to give him space or keep him company, and every time, Alex wants to cry because he doesn’t understand, and he’s still so young. He’s only 19, and he’s so fucked up already, but Techno remains a constant in Alex’s life, no matter what, and Alex wants to hold this man in the protection of his wings forever and just be. 

It shows in Techno's protectiveness. They both know he’s a competent fighter and traveler, but it’s the little things. A scalding look after a joke made at his expense. The fire in his eyes when Alex gets injured. How Alex knows if he gave Techno the names of everyone who hurt him, who each fucked him up in their own unique way, Techno would be gone for a week tops, and Alex would never have to worry about them again.

It shouldn’t matter as much as it does; it’s so fundamental. It’s the bottom of the barrel, ‘the bar is in hell’ shit. But. 

But it matters to him because he’s been hurt. Because he’s never had someone ask and care about the answer. 

He’s been hurt, but slowly, surely, he thinks he’s healing.

**Author's Note:**

> help girl im shipping minecraft rp characters 
> 
> thank u for reading! leave a comment/kudos/bookmark and i will love u forever


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